Dove Hawke’s Bay chief executive Stewart Eadie has broken his silence about the sexual abuse he endured as a child. He hopes it will help other male survivors to speak out. Photo / Rafaella Melo
Dove Hawke’s Bay chief executive Stewart Eadie has broken his silence about the sexual abuse he endured as a child. He hopes it will help other male survivors to speak out. Photo / Rafaella Melo
It’s our most “under-reported crime”, a Hawke’s Bay police officer says. How can we help victims of male sexual abuse? Rafaella Melo reports.
For six years, Stewart Eadie has led Dove Hawke’s Bay, a service that supports people impacted by family violence.
The organisation proudly helps about 100 male survivorsof sexual harm every year.
But what Eadie has never shared publicly is his own experience of childhood sexual abuse - until now.
He told Hawke’s Bay Today the abuse lasted for about five years, and for decades the pain stayed hidden.
“You never overcome a sexual trauma, you learn how to live with this – but the pain is always there.”
In his 20s, he decided to take action.
“I made an affidavit to the police that he [the alleged abuser] was aware that if he was ever seen, or I heard of him being with a child by himself, I would ask for charges to be brought on the basis of my affidavit.”
“Minimising is probably the most common thing, because when people accept that something significant happens, then it means that they’ve got to do something about it.”
Shame, confusion and fear of judgment kept many men from speaking out about a reality that, according to Men and Trauma New Zealand, affects at least one in every six men.
Eadie said even those numbers failed to tell the whole story. Many survivors never told anyone, or waited decades to do so.
While female victims came forward on average about 10 years after the violence, the time for men was closer to 20 years.
“If you ask a male whether they’ve been sexually abused, they’ll say no.
“They think how will they be labelled by society? Are they going to be labelled as ... homosexuals ... abusers or potential abusers?”
The fear of stigma affected not only self-perception but relationships.
“The number of fathers I talked to who have a fear of being labelled a perpetrator when they’re even bathing their own children ... it actually can fracture that parental bond. That trauma is often something that’s passed intergenerationally.”
Dove Hawke’s Bay has a dedicated service for male survivors of sexual abuse and helps about 100 such men each year, says Stewart Eadie. Photo / Rafaella Melo
Although about 70% of abusers are men, Eadie said it could be even harder for male survivors to speak out when the perpetrator was a woman.
The most common cases of predatory behaviour inflicted by women involved teachers or family members, he said.
“People say things like, ‘Oh, aren’t you lucky that you were having sex with a female that might be two, three times your age’ ... where actually it’s a sexual violation and it’s not seen in that same light.”
Boys were most likely to be targeted, but it could also happen to adults.
“I’ve certainly dealt with males who have been date-raped in Hawke’s Bay, and they haven’t been handled well.
“That trauma hasn’t been acknowledged from a policing perspective or medical perspective.
“They’re used to having a gendered female [victim], they know what to do. When it comes to a male, it’s not quite as easy.”
Detective Sergeant Darren Pritchard, who runs the Hawke’s Bay Sexual Assault Team, said police had a mandatory referral system to support agencies in the region.
“Our mandatory referrals occur regardless of whether the complainant is male or female.
“A male victim of either physical, sexual or psychological abuse is, in my opinion, the most under-reported crime type.
“To that end, I ensure that all victims we deal with are treated with compassion, courtesy and respect.
“They are also offered the choice of dealing with either a male or female officer.”
In Hawke’s Bay, an average of 275 sexual assaults and related offences are reported each year, based on data from the past five years.
Any sexual contact without freely given consent is considered a crime, including rape, sexual assault, harassment, sexual touching or sexual exploitation.
The law says sexual violation can happen within a marriage.
Those convicted could face up to 20 years in prison. Attempted sexual violation can lead to a sentence of up to 10 years.
Where to get help:
If it’s an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
If you have been sexually assaulted, remember it’s not your fault.
Historical offending goes to the police Adult Sexual Assault Team via the 105 phone line, reports at the front counter or online reporting.
If you’ve ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone, contact Safe to Talk confidentially at any time:
Rafaella Melo has more than 10 years of experience as a journalist in Brazil, from radio and TV presenter and producer to magazine editor. She joined Hawke’s Bay Today in December as a multimedia journalist.
